Sunday, October 23, 2016

A Childhood Memory

When I was young I had a pet hamster I named Huey after the character in the Calvin and Hobbes comics. Huey was a great friend. He would perch on my shoulder while I walked around the house, sit in my pocket with his head out the top, or play around in the stuffed animals on my bed while I laid there. He ran miniature gauntlets, including makeshift slides, and never failed to squeeze into the smallest spaces.

One day when I went to his cage I noticed the top was open and Huey was gone. This had happened a few times before, undoubtedly as a byproduct of his extensive training regimen. I had usually found him very quickly in my bedroom hiding in a corner somewhere, but on this occasion he was nowhere to be found. It didn't take long before my whole family was in on the search for Huey. We turned over the entire house, looking under furniture, in corners, even in the air return vents for the furnace. Over an hour of searching and still no luck. It appeared that Huey was lost forever; a twelve year old boy's friend was gone.

In the frantic search, and among all my anxiety, I am embarrassed to say that I had not once thought of prayer. It was my mother who did. It was she who gathered the family at the top of our stairs, right outside my bedroom door where we all knelt and prayed. I don't remember the words of the prayer or even who said them, but I do remember that we prayed.

We all went back to searching. I went downstairs to continue where I was searching before. Not five minutes later I heard a commotion from upstairs. After the prayer, my father had stayed near my room and had the thought to remove the bottom drawer from my dresser. There behind the dresser, which was pushed up against the wall sat Huey, with his little eyes glowing back at us in the dark, munching on a kernel of corn. I couldn't have been more happy or relieved.

This experienced touched me enough that while sitting in sacrament meeting on fast Sunday, I felt that I should share my testimony. I built up the courage to stand up, and began to speak. Immediately the tears began to flow and my small frame began to tremble. I doubt that the congregation understood even one word from the blubbering youth that stood before them, but I bore my testimony, felt the spirit and an extra measure of gratitude toward my Heavenly Father, and sat down.

Now, I am sure there were better moments to have remembered where the Lord blessed my life, but this is one of the most prominent in my memory from childhood. Had my mother not thought to pray, had my father not listened to the spirit, had I not had that experience and the desire to share it, I would not have felt the tender love of my Father in Heaven nor grown in my testimony of his hand in my life.

Too often people look for the big experiences in life that guide them toward what they should do and who they should be. We overlook the small consistencies of life's choices that add up to great futures. The consistency of a mother's thought to pray, the worthiness of a father who listens to the spirit. The sisters who drop what they are doing to help their distraught brother; these are the truly great acts in life that should not be overlooked, nor forgotten.

A few years later when Huey died, I cried quite a bit. My neighbor who was a carpenter created a tiny wooden casket for Huey and carved his name prominently into the top. The sides were fastened with pieces of a metal coat hanger wrapped around screws to make handles. My family stood around as a tear-stricken boy buried his little buddy deep in the dirt of an unfinished backyard landscaping project. When my parents installed a rock wall a few years later, they made sure not to disturb Huey's burial spot. It is a scene I can look back on now with fondness and laughter as I am sure it would look silly to any other person, but it is what I needed at the time and exemplifies what having a family means to me.

Sunday, February 28, 2016

Family Still Gone

I am sitting in sacrament meeting at the Spanish branch. Cambria and the kids are out of town. I will finish the semester and fly out to Utah to meet them in one week. It is interesting that just a few days away from them, and I already feel the impact of their not being here. True we can video message, but it is not the same. The house has become just a house, it is them that make it a home.

This semester has been a difficult one with many stresses and failures, contrasted by some joys and successes. I have never felt such a range nor depth of emotions in such a short time. It is in times like these, with my family gone for even a few days, that I realize that they are my base, my sanity. I don't think this would be possible without them, or at least it would be much worse.

Recently on campus we have been addressing ideas to help reduce stress and depression among medical students. I can't help but feel for those who don't have their families close, or for those who may not feel like they have a good group of friends around them. I am lucky to have both, but it is my family that makes all the difference. There is an indescribably joy that accompanies your children yelling "daddy!" when you get home, or the way that they cuddle up to you when you wake them up in the morning. It is in these moments that all other stresses melt away, sometimes to tears, both tears of pain for having been away and tears of a happiness and love that cannot be contained. I won't even begin writing about my sweet wife or I will cry too many tears of gratitude and joy while sitting in public.

When I was a child I thought I knew love and then I became a man. As a man I thought I knew love but then I became a husband. As a husband I thought I knew love but then I became a father. As a father I thought I knew love but along came another child. I look forward to my future as a husband, father, and eventually a grandfather. What emotional depth will that bring, I can't even imagine. 


Sunday, February 21, 2016

Spring Semester

Christmas break was not long enough but it was nice to be home after celebrating the new year. We started off the new semester like a rocket launch into new material. The first day we had 5 straight hours of lecture, and a schedule that has not let up since. Our test schedule is crazy and stressful, but I often step back and look at just how awesome the material is I am learning. What a blessing I have to be here, to have the family that I have, to have the support of the friends around me who are in the same boat, and share my worries.

I am continually reminded of how perfect this place is for me and my family. DMU felt like the right decision from the beginning and I realize more each day just how perfect it is for my family. We have had so many opportunities here. Cambria has the best support system I could have ever asked for. That was one of my major factors in deciding on a medical school. I can struggle through any difficulty at any school regardless of the quality of the school, but to arrive here and see that the quality of both the family support and that of the school far exceeded my expectations had been a testimony to me of the Lord's plan for me and my family.

Not only do we receive so much, but we also have the opportunity to serve often. There are people around us who need lifting up, and while I feel myself not in a place to be uplifting to others due to my own time constraints and trying to juggle my schedule, I am consistently placed in the path of others to help them in more ways that I thought possible to me.

Cambria and the kids left to Utah for her maternal Grandmother's funeral and to help around the house after her mother's GI surgery tomorrow. I sat by myself in church today, looking at the families and fathers playing with their children on their laps, and had the deepest desire to hold my children again. They have only been gone a few short days and will be gone another week.