Graduation Day

The day finally came to graduate. It came down to my final test the day before and I did not feel ready. I decided to just go take it. I got an 80%, got an A in the class anyway, and was done with everything that had to do with Weber State! I really enjoyed this school but am glad to be moving on. My victory was short lived since I am now studying on campus every day in preparation for the MCAT in about 2.5 weeks, on May 22. I am studying a ton for it and it's tough. Almost every day I take a full length, 4 hour practice test, then sit down and read the analysis to each of the questions afterward. I'm sure time will fly by and I will be completely free soon enough.

Well, on graduation day we got up early and left the house. We drove clear out west to pick up a cake that Cambria had a lady make for us. She did an amazing job. Neither of us know the gender of the baby but the lady made the inside of the cake coorelate with the gender of the baby, blue for boy, and pink for girl. We stored it in our fridge at our still unsold and vacant condo in Ogden near the school, and headed over to graduation. Cambria dropped me off near the door so i could run in in time then went to find parking. I immediately saw my grandma Penrod waiting for my dad to come back from parking the car. She is way cute with her camera and takes a ton of pictures. Just as I was talking to her, I spotted my mission president and his wife (President and Sister Rose) walking up the sidewalk. They were there for their son's masters degree graduation. It was awesome to see them. We hugged and they congradulated me. There's a certain joy that comes with showing those you look up to and respect that you have done something with you life, and are trying to live up to the principles that they strived to instil in you. My grandma took a photo of us, and I had to say goodbye to run in to my graduation.

I got inside and had plenty of time to chat with friends. You could tell that we were all happy to be there and to have made it together. I have a lot of fond memories with them, and their friendships helped boost morale through the last few years of school. There was a lot of what you would expect by way of clapping, speaches about being great and always teaching science whenever you can, and how we are the future. The best part was to simply know that I had made it and that I could move on to medical school application and MCAT prep without worrying about coursework anymore.

Lynlee was extremely cute and multiple times wanted to get away from my family and come and run up to where I was sitting and give me a hug. She did it too while I was standing in the line waiting to walk and recieve my diploma. One guy walked while holding his little girl, and I wish I would have done that.

She is such a special little bright spot in my life and it has been so extremely hard to have to come home after she is already in her crib. Of all the things I am looking forward to the most, it will be to spend more time with her and Cambria. They are what brings me the most happiness. I am extremely excited to begin medical school, but there of course is a part of me that wishes that I were done right now. I have a degree in Microbiology. I can support a family comfortably. I know I want more than that though, and need to go on to medical school. I want to be a doctor. I will have a nice year and a half off of school to spend a lot of time with my family though. Especially our little boy that will be coming in October. Oh yeah, so we found out that day too that we were going to have a boy. Both mine and Cambria's families went out to Ruby River steakhouse to celebrate both my and Nathan's graduations. He got his Masters in Business. After getting settled in at our table, we cut into the cake. We did it first because my sister, Angie, had to leave and wanted to see. Cambria and I cut it together and Cam swore she saw some little blue flakes come out after the first cut, and practically screamed out that she  saw blue, well another cut confirmed it, it was blue! We wanted a boy so bad and were so so excited. I couldn't help but shed a few tears as I am again now while writing this. Periodically thoughtout the meal it would hit me again and I would stare at the blue cake in front of me just thinking, "I'm going to have a boy." When all was said and done and Cambria and most of our family had walked out, Cambria and I stopped and hugged eachother again. She always tells me that she loves seeing just how much Lynlee loves her daddy. Well I told her then that I was excited to see our little boy form a bond with his mommy.

I can't express how perfect of a day it was. Life is beautiful. It may not always be perfect but it's days like that which make it all worth it. I just have to keep reminding myself of that as I study. Speaking of studying, I should get back to it. Until the next time I am prompted to write.

Am I Done Yet?

My last entry feels like forever ago. I thought I was almost done, but it now feels like it will never end. It is Tuesday of finals week and I have 2 tests left. One in Microbial Genetics and the other in Zoology Genetics. My mind has began to drag and the studying has seriously torn me down emotionaly. This morning, Cambria got off working and came home to a depressed, mind-shot, straight faced, ornery husband, limping around because of tendonitis in my achilles from playing racquetball. I feel bad that I was that way, and I kept trying to snap out of it but couldn't. She went to bed and I finished getting ready to come to the school and study. I got feeling a bit better by the time I was ready to leave, and really wished I could talk to her for a while. I wanted to say sorry and be able to show her her happy husband she told me she wished she could have seen this morning. Driving to school, I tried to listen to music that would lift me up and make me smile. It somewhat worked. When I got to school, and sat down at my desk in our little Microbiology department study room, I was slightly annoyed at just how much this little study room comforted me. It has been where I spend more that 10 hours per day studying for the last few semesters. My couch is here, my microwave, mini-fridge, books, and comfortable office chair. My friends I have made at school come and go between classes and we have occasion to talk and laugh from time to time. It's as if I have a dependence on this place, or a love-hate relationship. I will miss it very much. I will miss my classes, the lectures, both the annoying as well as the awesome professors, and the friendships that I have made here. I have been priveledged to associate with brilliant people. I can see the world's future in them. Most of them aspiring doctors, I can see what kind of physicians they will be and am confident in their dedication and care to their patients. I can only hope others see that in me. I am so blessed with all of these opportunities, and still I allow myself to sink into a mental slump and forget all that makes me me. If you'd asked me this morning, I would have said yes, I am happy. I did not show it, and I did not live up to the husband I promised to be, but somewhere inside me, there is a foundation of happiness that wont give up on me. I realize that more now after writing this. As in all things, I know I will look back on both good and bad with appreciation of the experience. So I might as well enjoy it now.

Almost Done

Well life has been crazy for the last while. I am going to have to do a lot of updating on here to get caught up as to what is happening in life. I pretty much live up at the school and Cambria works and stays at home with Lynlee. Cambria has switched job positions but is still working for South Davis hospital. She is now working graveyard shifts in their rehab center and enjoys it. She enjoys the people she works with. Although she's quite often tired, she enjoys having 6 days off in a row to be with Lynlee. Lynlee is in daycare only 2 days a week now, otherwise she is at home with Cambria which makes me very happy.

Last October I began an MCAT preparation course along side my normal semester classes. It is still going on and I will be studying all the way up until I take the MCAT on May 22. It takes up all of my spare time and I miss being with Cambria and Lynlee. On Monday and Wednesday nights I have that class till late and by the time I get home, Lynlee is already asleep. On other nights I stay up at the school to get caught up on other class work. I get to see Lynlee most mornings and quite often get to get her up and ready for the day when Cambria is still at work. Usually Cambria comes home with enough time for us to see each other for a few minutes and say morning prayers with Lynlee before I take off to school.

I will graduate in a few weeks. After 5 and a half years, it's about time. I never knew the pre-med undergraduate route would be so long. I feel like I have accomplished something great in my life and am grateful for all the things that I've learned. I will still need to take the MCAT and apply to med school. The strangest thing for me to think about at this point is that I am graduating with a bachelors degree. I could technically begin my career and support my family and live comfortably. But I know it would not be enough. I wouldn't feel like I achieved what I knew I should. It was a clear answer to prayer that I should go to medical school, so that is what I know I need to do. I also really want to do it. I want to be a doctor and be able to care for others in that way. It is just strange to think that I am where I could begin a career and yet I am not going to for another 8 years after med school and residency are over. I have learned to enjoy the journey and especially look forward to moving away with my little family and growing together on our own.

Lynlee has grown so much, where to begin? She is now over 2 years old and is talking like crazy! She is such a cute little sweetheart. At times when we are playing, she will stop and hug me and say "I love you daddy." It comes out of nowhere and has a way of melting a father's heart. She loves to sing songs with us in the car as we drive. The other day we sang everything from twinkle twinkle little star and the itsy bitsy spider, to rain rain go away and jingle bells. Yes, she loves singing jingle bells even in May. At church, she is doing a really good job at going into the nursery. When the closing prayer starts during sacrament, she gets all excited to go to nursery and begins cleaning up her stuff. She is praying so well. She says very short prayers all on her own, including blessing mommy to be safe because that's what her and I pray for when Cambria is at work at night. She will say quite long prayers though when she is repeating what we say. She loves to read books and will grab a book and run to almost any family member who is visiting and want to climb up on their lap to read. She isn't as obsessed with Elmo any more and she went through a good long period of loving Mickey Mouse. A few weeks ago she and Cambria saw a short clip of Disney's Frozen at the store and Cambria bought it. We are going to save it for her Easter basket but she was so excited to have bought it. The next day I asked her what her and mommy bought. She proudly and excitedly said, "we buy Frozen, I watch it?" There is something new she does every day that is cuter than the day before. There are also things she does every day that are more mischievous than the day before. She is learning to listen better and to pay attention to what we say. She is just so excited to learn and play that she doesn't want to stop sometimes. When she gets in trouble and goes to time out she cries for a minute then quietly says "I talk now" and we have a talk. She has to give us loves (hugs) and say sorry, then she can go back to playing. Sometimes she simply wants to sit in time out and pout for minutes on end before finally deciding its time to leave timeout.

It is the next morning after having written up to this point. I picked up Lynlee in the kitchen and threw her up so she was laying in my arms. She imediately put her hand lightly against the side of my face and said, "I love you daddy." Life is wonderful. I'm trying to think of other things that have happened with Lynlee in the last year. I'm sure there are hundrends of things to write about but it all seems like one big fun experience of her growing up. Just yesterday Cambria and Lynlee were up here in Ogden and were in a drivethrough getting ice cream cones to come and surprise me with. Well, Lynlee has had a cough and she was coughing so much in the car that she threw up. So they came up to the school and I got to see them. Lynlee was stripped down to just her undies and was running around on the grass and eating her ice cream cone. When I left to go back into school, she ran away from Cambria and followed me all the way down the stairs so I came back to give her a hug. 5 minutes later, after getting dressed in new clothes, she ran away from Cambria again to come see me, so Cambria brought her into the computer lab. I had my back to the door but all of a sudden I heard her call "daddy!" and run up next to me.  I got a hug and a kiss from her and a kiss from Cambria before they left. All the other students laughed and I got some comments later from them about her being so cute.

Lynlee has been loving to go outside more often now that it is getting warm again. She has so much fun chasing bubbles in the backyard. On sunday she wanted to go outside and swing on the tire swing so we spent some time as a family walking around and playing. She likes the front porch and has become supprisingly cuddly, especially if there is a sunset and she can wrap up in a warm blanket with one of us.

I guess I could talk about her 2nd birthday. Cambria wanted to do a jungle theme so we gathered up all of the stuffed jungle animals we could and borrowed some from family and neighbors. I helped Cambria make palm trees out of brown paper and green streamers. She had treats that correlated to different animals, like bananas for monkeys. She put out the large water serving bowls with a sign that said wattering hole. It was done really well and we all had a fun time.

Cambria is pregnant again and we are expecting the baby in October! So, durring Lynlee's birthday party, we had Lynlee dressed in a shirt that says big sister. She wore a shirt over it all night but we had everyone gather in the dining room to do the cake and candles. I brought Lynlee in after having taken off the overshirt, and we continued with the song. While singing happy birthday, one by one people began to notice the shirt. Our friends Caleb and Dani noticed first along with Nathan and Sharlyn, then Caleb had my parents move a little to be able to see the shirt better. It took them a minute to realize but they were very excited. We wished that Monty and Linda could have been there but we got them on a video call later that evening and had Lynlee talk to them with her shirt on. All in all we are very excited and are hoping for a boy. Cambria is going to a doctor's appointment today. She said that sometimes they are able to tell the gender at 14 weeks, so if they can they are going to write it on a paper and put it in an envelope. When I graduate, we would take the envelope to a bakery and have them make a cake correlating to the color (blue or pink) of the gender of the baby, and will open the cake box together. Or we would have them do a filling in some cupcakes with that color. Whether we get to know now or have to wait till 20 weeks, we want to do that. It will be fun. We are so blessed in life in all ways. Things can get difficult at times but we are happily moving forward and enjoying the small joys that come our way.