Am I Done Yet?

My last entry feels like forever ago. I thought I was almost done, but it now feels like it will never end. It is Tuesday of finals week and I have 2 tests left. One in Microbial Genetics and the other in Zoology Genetics. My mind has began to drag and the studying has seriously torn me down emotionaly. This morning, Cambria got off working and came home to a depressed, mind-shot, straight faced, ornery husband, limping around because of tendonitis in my achilles from playing racquetball. I feel bad that I was that way, and I kept trying to snap out of it but couldn't. She went to bed and I finished getting ready to come to the school and study. I got feeling a bit better by the time I was ready to leave, and really wished I could talk to her for a while. I wanted to say sorry and be able to show her her happy husband she told me she wished she could have seen this morning. Driving to school, I tried to listen to music that would lift me up and make me smile. It somewhat worked. When I got to school, and sat down at my desk in our little Microbiology department study room, I was slightly annoyed at just how much this little study room comforted me. It has been where I spend more that 10 hours per day studying for the last few semesters. My couch is here, my microwave, mini-fridge, books, and comfortable office chair. My friends I have made at school come and go between classes and we have occasion to talk and laugh from time to time. It's as if I have a dependence on this place, or a love-hate relationship. I will miss it very much. I will miss my classes, the lectures, both the annoying as well as the awesome professors, and the friendships that I have made here. I have been priveledged to associate with brilliant people. I can see the world's future in them. Most of them aspiring doctors, I can see what kind of physicians they will be and am confident in their dedication and care to their patients. I can only hope others see that in me. I am so blessed with all of these opportunities, and still I allow myself to sink into a mental slump and forget all that makes me me. If you'd asked me this morning, I would have said yes, I am happy. I did not show it, and I did not live up to the husband I promised to be, but somewhere inside me, there is a foundation of happiness that wont give up on me. I realize that more now after writing this. As in all things, I know I will look back on both good and bad with appreciation of the experience. So I might as well enjoy it now.