Medical School

Medical school is the most fun and joyful nightmare. The semester started out just fine with a week of tedious orientation. It was strung out with a lot of trainings that seemed basic, repetitive and boring. I just wanted to get started with classes and learning

Once class started though, school became a downhill locomotive with no brakes, somehow picking up both speed and cargo along the way. I have never felt so many ups and downs physically and emotionally. This has been the hardest thing I have ever done.

In a text message with my mom a few days ago, she asked how am doing. I replied, "I am good, tired, worn out, happy, frustrated, stressed, relaxed, fulfilled - all wrapped up in one. But I am also over the top excited that I have the chance to be at a medical school, and the blessing to learn the things I am learning. How insanely awesome yet humbling is that?"

That doesn't even begin to sum it up though. Before classes began, we were the first to move in and had the opportunity to meet all of the other families one by one as we helped them move in. I tried my best to include everybody and create a family environment. The guys are awesome and I love every one of them. I don't doubt that any of them would drop everything to help any of us in need. After Cambria and the kids, the guys have been the single most important support to me.

Sometimes the mechanics of medical school and studying so hard get in the way of us really getting to know each other as well as I would like. I get along well with all of them but there are a few of the guys who I particularly enjoy talking with. I have had to distance and isolate myself from them at times because I would spend more time talking with them than studying.

Cambria is absolutely amazing. I can't begin to list all the things that she does and the way she supports me and the kids. She knows she is busy but she refuses to see it that way. She constantly says that she does a lot but it's not bad and she enjoys her time at home with the kids. Coming home to her and the kids is the highlight of my day. I hear "daddy!" as Lynlee runs to me and gives me a giant hug. She holds onto me while saying "daddy's home, daddy's home" over and over. Since Benson has learned to walk, he comes running too with arms stretched toward me and a huge smile on his face. Me has recently been more able to calm down and has been just laying his head on my shoulder for a long time. It's such a different reaction from when he was a bit younger and wiggly and crazy ALL the time. Cambria is often running around trying to cook dinner or clean up something but she stops and spends a moment with me.

Not every day coming home is perfect, but the perfect times come when I most need them after a difficult day. I do my best to help and support Cambria where I can but I know none of it equals what she does each day. She has been working a few times a day in the daycare at the YMCA, while the kids play there too. She goes to the gym often, does carpools to Lynlee's preschool, works as a swim coach at the YMCA, does play dates, does the shopping, keeps our budget, and selflessly takes care of everything in our lives. I can't express enough my love and gratitude for the blessing she is to us.

The kids are growing up too fast. Lynlee shows us something new she has learned every day. She grows taller, smarter, cuter, and more independent every day. She has her ups and downs in learning what is right and wrong and how to act, but overall she is the sweetest most helpful little girl. She does so much for Cambria and loves and helps Benson so much. Benson is becoming such an opinionated little guy with expressing things he both loves and hates. One second he will be super excited, then will let you know that he doesn't like that certain food, or something. He is such a boy. He can be as loud and crazy as he can be calm and cuddly. I love his little personality as we see more of it each day. Both of the kids love life, are happy, and do more to bring love and joy into our home than we ever could as parents. I know I make an impact on them, but it is Cambria and her goodness and love that influences them most. She is my rock and theirs.

Mother's Day 2015

At 620 this morning Lynne came out of her room and she had a bloody nose. Her hands were covered and josh got up to help me clean her up. We then went back to sleep, me holding Lynne and josh holding me. What a perfect Mother's Day morning. Then at 730 in the morning I got up to feed benson. I was sitting in the kids room and I thought I heard Lynne walking upstairs... Well sure enough I finished feeding benson and went to our room and Lynne was gone from our bed. I woke up Jose, asked him to go find her and I was allowed to crawl back into bed until 9. Josh took benson, went and found Lynne and they made me breakfast.

At 9 I was woken up by my little angel, saying "happy Mother's Day, it is time to wake up." She then crawled into bed and gave me a big hug.

Hawaii Vacation! (was a draft)

This year, we were fortunate enough for Monty and Linda to get an opening in their time share for Hawaii. Cambria's family has visited here quite a few times throughout her childhood, and she was excited to take me here for my first time. Monty, Linda, Cambria, me, Lynlee, and Benson all came. Cambria and Benson headed out last Friday, since the standby seats were looking better then. Lynlee and I had reserved seats with full price tickets since it is harder for us to fly standby and actually make it onto the plane. We left on Saturday. It was a pretty good flight, and Lynlee did very well. She enjoyed the snacks they brought around, and was so excited about her apple juice, that she tried to drink it witout my help when I wasn't looking, and ended up with half of it in her lap. We cleaned her up as best we could but she was still a bit damp when we arrived in Hawaii. She watched a few shows on my iPad too, and was overall very content. She loved looking out the window as we flew around and landed in Honolulu. She thought it was so funny when the plane turned and she was looking almost straight down at the ground. Upon landing, she started saying "bump, bump, bump" just like she used to when she would go on a bumpy road in Bountiful on her way to her daycare. It was very cute.

Well we got off and immediately saw some beautiful gardens that she thought were very pretty. Then, as we came down an escalator toward baggage claim, she saw her mommy and Benson waiting there for her. Cambria put a Lei made out of fresh yellow flowers around Lynlee's neck and Lynlee loved it. We met up with Grandpa and Papa at the curbside and went out to eat at the Spaghetti Factory. Afterward, we rushed back to the Ko Olina Marriott to our room, so we could get stuff put away and head down to watch the sunset on the beach. It was beautiful. In front of the resort, there is a good sized man-made bay to swim in, and a very nice beach. We sat on chairs just above the beach and watched the sunset with the kids. When we got back up to the room, we hurried and got the kids to bed and crashed. I was exgtremely tired. I was out like a rock and didn't stir until the next morning when we got up early to head out.

That was Sunday morning, and we headed out toward Hanauma Bay, a bay that used to be a volcano until about 30,000 years ago. It was absolutely gorgeous. We got a great spot in the shade of a tree, and despite the wind and periodic light rain, we had a blast. Lynlee mainly played on the beach in the sand. Lynlee had broken her leg on her birthday, at the trampoline park, and we had forgotten her cast cover back at the resort. On our way to the beach we bought tape and sarran wrap, and I taped up her leg so well that ther was no way water was ever going to get into the cast. She played and played so hard, and made sand castles, holes, and all sorts of imaginitive things in the sand.

Cambria and I went and rented the snorkeling gear and headed out into the bay. We had been snorkeling together once before, in the Galapagos, but I was not familiar with this area. It was so much better than I had experienced in the Galapagos, as the water was more clear and there was reef and fish everywhere. I had to get used to breathing through the snorkel and making sure not to hit the reef as we went through a designated path to get out to the deeper area. I lost Cambria through there since she swam fast to get through the waves, and I had to do it on my own. I was a bit worried that I wouldn't find her and she would wonder where I went, but after getting off course, and scraping past a few areas of reef outside of the area I was supposed to go through, I wasn't lost any more and I found Cambria. We had such a fun time swimming around and seeing all sorts of coloful fish. They were so bright and beautiful. We had to head back in after an hour so Cambria could feed Benson. When we got back, Monty and I took Lynlee around looking for fish. She didn't want to use her goggles to put her face in the water so Monty put her up on his shoulders in the shalow area and I went under and signaled to them were to look down to see the fish. She like pointing them out, but they weren't very clear at all to her. I felt bad, and wanted her to see them underwater, but she would not.

We took her back to play in the sand, and Monty and I went out snorkeling in the deep area. By that time, I was more used to how to get around, and we did a lot more. We went out to the deep, and swam way over to one of the sides of the bay, right up against the wall. It was quite a ways, but it was amazing just how much ground you could cover in such a small amount of time. Monty started diving down to look at things, so I figured I would do the same. My ears felt slight pressure but it was fantastic. I would end up right in the middle of a school of fish as they all scurried around me and onto their next destination. They seemed used to humans being around and not being dangerous. It was awesome, and I got some of it on video with a waterproof camera. We saw trumpet fish, which are long and circular. We saw the fish off of finding Nemo (named Gill), that is the leader in the fish tank in the dentist's office. I just looked it up and it is called a Moorish Idol. We saw all types of what I think are called parrot fish. They have hard lips that they use to take bites out of the corral. I could hear a slight crunch sound whenever I saw one bite at it, which was neat. At the end of our swim, Monty and I went through the very shallow area, just above the reef, right up to the area of the beach where Lynlee was playing. She had the biggest smile on her face as she saw our heads come up out of the water. I played in the water with her for a while till it was time to go. We went and tried to see the blow hole after that, but the tide wasn't right for the water to come shooting up out of it so we headed back to the resort. Lynlee still wanted to play in the sand, so we went to the pool that had a makeshift sandy beach on one side of it. The sand was more like very small gravel, and hurt to kneel in as I played with lynlee. It wouldn't even come close to packing together, so Lynlee's sand toys wouldn't work. We ended up trying to build a small mountain but it couldnt even be piled very high. We had fun though, and played until dinner time. We showered, ate dinner, and crashed for the night.

Monday morning, we got up early and went to Perl Harbor. Cambria had planned ahead and had reserved us the audio tour with headphones that we were able to wear as we walked around the area. It was beautiful and the stories that we heard added an aspect to the experience that I was grateful to have. Of all the places we were going to visit, a Pearl Harbor was what I wanted to see most. We took the boat over to the the USS Arizona memorial. What a peaceful and spiritual place. The men still buried in the sunken ship left a feeling of pride and respect for our nation and those who fight for it. These men had no chance to fight, but we're there willing to serve and die for our freedom. There was a wall there with all of the men's names written on it. There were also recent names of deaths of veterans who asked to have their ashes lowered into the ship to be buried with their fellow soldiers. Lynlee was very respectful and listened to us intently as we told her all about the people who died there and how they did it for us.

When we left there, we shared a quick lunch by the van then headed toward the punch bowl. It is a war memorial that is built high up in the crater of an extinct volcano. It was literally shaped like a punch bowl, with worn down volcano sides and a long deep scoop of land that was dotted with graves as it fell toward the middle, and rose again to the other side. We went to a lookout point on the edge that looked over Honolulu, which was beautiful, then walked around the memorial. There were so many things to read that described the entire war that it would have taken a few hours, so I took pictures of it all and we walked around for a while enjoying the views.

We then drove up to the Nu'uanu Pali lookout that looked out from high, vegetation covered cliffs over the east side of the Island. It was nice to be able to see that part of the island because it was the one part that we wouldn't actually be traveling to. Afterward, we came back to the resort and spent the rest of the day at the beach.

Tuesday, resort day! We stayed in and spent the day doing activities around the resort. There was a ton  of activities to choose from. Lynne had a blast feeding the fish in the koi pond. They gave every child a cup full of fish food and they went to town. The koi were fighting a little bit for the food, but Monty said that when they had Aiden and Rya there, the koi were going wild for the food. Cambria got up early and went to a gym class, which she enjoyed. Grandma too the kids out on a walk down the path that leads from resort to resort along the Ko'Olina area. We played and ran on the beach, swam in the ocean, hot tub, and the swimming pool. Lynne built sand castles all day and destroyed them with buckets of water she packed back and forth from the bay tirelessly while limping on her broken leg and wearing her waterproof cast cover. The swimming pools were not very warm so when we got Benson in the pool, he was not happy at all. Cambria got him to calm down a bit my having him cuddled up to her. He did much better in the hot tub, which was a perfect temperature for him. All in all it was a great day together as a family, spent with Grandma and Papa, making fun memories.

Monday - pearl harbor early, punchbowl, lookout on the mountain - saw part of island we didnt drive to, came back and went to beach
Tuesday - resort day, fed fish, gym classes for cam, walk with grandma and kids, beach, pool, hot tub, benson went in pool and was not happy, a bit happer cuddled up to cambria in pool
Wednesday - north shore, snowcones, watched surfing, ate at hannamans, name some of the beaches, cloudy colder day, drizzly, great day for PCC, buffet, luau, show (ha), the breath of life, home late
Thursday - waikiki, ate at moose mcgillicutties, went shopping at international market in honolulu, lighthouse, diamondhead, watched surfers, rushed back for bingo, Lynlee won, went to beach, got pizza.
Friday - resort day, orchid lei making, played at beach went on morning walk to the north, went to Thai restaurant!, mermaid visit, played at the beach
Saturday - packed up and checked out, played at beach, lynlee did canvas bag coloring, got showered while papa took lynlee to beach some more. gave sand toys away to military family,

other things we did - lynlee playing checkers with papa and grandma
cambria, me and monty played Phase 10
linda and Cambria made great meals
benson's pack and play
almost losing lynlee on Saturday
ate spam, pineapple, and amazing purple sweet potato

Benson's Birth

On the evening of October 8, 2014 Cambria went to a Relief Society dinner. While there she felt a contraction that she was pretty sure was the beginning of labor. She came home afterward and told me and we were unsure as to whether or not to tell the family yet until we were sure. She progressed through the evening having more contractions and was timing their intervals. She did not want to be alone so she asked me to stay awake with her. I had not slept well the night before but I do not remember why. So we turned on the iPad while sitting on the couch and watched a show on Netflix. We paused it periodically while she had contractions. She went upstairs and told me to close my eyes for a minute. I woke up an hour later to find out that she had turned on Netflix upstairs to let me sleep for a bit. Even while beginning labor, she was thinking of me. Well when she woke me up around 1:00am she decided it was time to go to the hospital.

On the way to the hospital she was beginning to be in a pretty good deal of pain and she called her mom and my mom between contractions. My sister Kari, who is a photographer, was going to come to the hospital to take pictures of us so we kept trying to call her. We got to Davis Hospital in Layton, Utah, and had to go through the emergency room to check in Cambria was in quite a bit of pain by then and on her way up to labor and delivery, she threw up in a trash can. She could hardly walk so she let them sit her in a wheelchair. She is the type that does not want to get int of wheelchair but wants to walk up on her own to prove she can do it.

We got the the room and got her into a bed just fine. Her mom quickly appeared in the doorway which I know for Cambria is a comfort that she says she will always need. Her and her mom talk on the phone daily and have a good relationship which makes me happy. She labored for a while and my sister showed up then my mom. My mom had to be at work early that morning so she got ready quickly before she came. That is why she was there a bit later.

Well Cambria's contractions were getting very painful and she decided to get an epidural. They called the nurse anesthetist on call and we waited for them to arrive. Cambria was getting quite anxious that they would not get there in time but right as I was clashing with Cambria's nurse on whether or not the nurse anesthetist had a cell phone she could call her on the anesthetist walked in. (Cambria's nurse told us they couldn't call the anesthetist because they were driving and I argued with her trying to get her to check when they would be there, I was trying to support and protect my worried and laboring wifey.) Cambria was moving along quite fast so delivered her a very powerful and fast working epidural. Within the half hour from then, she was pushing, and our little baby boy was born. There were no complications during the delivery but they did see that his oxygen saturation was a bit low so they put him on oxygen. I had them let Cambria hold him for a while while he had oxygen on but then they needed to get him to the nursery and keep him on oxygen to make sure all of his alveoli opened up in his lungs. They said that he just have gotten some amniotic fluid in there during birth.

I went with Benson into the nursery. He was so puffy eyed like all newborns are. He had a lot of hair but not as much as his big sister Lynlee had when she was born. I am always prepared to have an ugly baby because quite often babies are just plain weird looking, but my little boy was not. He was cute as could be and he was mine. I saw that he had Cambria's eyebrows that taper thinner at their edges, and her nostrils that she thinks are a bit larger and annoying but it's better than my nose. He may have my larger nose bridge. He has my upper lip and maybe my eyes. My mom pointed out his little tiny dimples as he was crying. I am not sure where those come from.

We finally got his oxygen up and he was able to go back to his mommy. She was anxious to get him breast feeding and to bond with him. Afterward, we we're transferred to our post-delivery room which was in a corner and was quite spacious. I enjoy being in the hospital with my wife. We had some of our family visit that day and some came by the next. I loved that my little sister, Emilee, drove the couple of hours up from where she lived to come visit. That meant a lot to me.

Lynlee was not able to be there for the birth like Cambria had wanted since it was in the middle of the night. My dad woke Lynlee up that morning, got her dressed and ready, and brought her in. She was so perfect. She was so excited to see her baby brother and to hold him. The first time she held him she sat there for a minute then went to stand up and half pushed him off her lap. We were there to take him but it was kind of funny how she realized there wasn't very much to this little silent bundle she was holding. Since then she has become very involved in wanting to hold him and hug him and kiss him and get diapers for her mommy to change him. She has had a runny nose and it is near impossible to keep her away from him till she is better.

Cambria had a great delivery this time. I know that half of what she dreads are the post-delivery problems, pains, and recuperation, but she noted that they were very minimal compared to her last delivery. We enjoyed our time together in the hospital, talking and taking naps when Lynlee napped. That night I had planned to take Lynlee home to sleep in her own bed but when it came time to  leave she began crying and really wanted to stay with her mommy, so we decided to stay. She slept in the bed with Cambria and I slept on the pull out couch in the room. We like Benson to be in the nursery at night so the nurses can keep a better eye on him the first few nights. The next night I was able to get Lynlee home for a better night sleep in her own bed by telling her that her cousin Braxton was at home to play with before she went to bed.

The hospital provides one dinner that included the father but for most meals Cambria just made sure to order enough to cover both I and Lynlee. Our couples dinner that they called the "candlelight dinner" was served with a nice little flower. They tried to make it nice for the two of us. Lynlee of course was there to share it with us. I wouldn't have it any other way. I occasionally enjoy just a night out alone with my wife but there is something special about being with our little family, a hectic as it may be sometimes. When w went home, all of the delivery and hospital seemed like a blur and we were suddenly home with a little boy. It didn't seem all that different like it did when Lynlee was born. I'm sure that experience will change when we bring home a third child someday and we are suddenly outnumbered by our children.

Since then we have been enjoying Cambria's maternity leave and being together as a family. I have been traveling a lot for medical school interviews, which I will write about another time, and Cambria has been doing excellently at home with both children. She is strong and amazing. I can't describe how happy I am and how blessed I am to have my little family. They are my world and as hard as it is to be away from them, I know that I am securing a good future for them, and I won't have to be away as much as I would otherwise to provide for them. I love life and things could not be better.